Conflict Resolution

I went to a conflict resolution workshop.
One of the speakers start off with "Welcome to Japan. The land of assumptions".
He is an Asian American, probably 4th or 5th generation, sent to Japan because he was good at what he was doing and because the Tokyo branch wanted him desperately.

So he was facing the same thing I was facing.
Within his company, feared by his Japanese staff because he must be an "aggressive insensitive American". Outside his company, considered by Japanese as a little mentally challenged because he doesn't get the fast language.
I'm just assuming here, but I guess that is where the opening comment came from.

I was so looking forward to overcoming the assumption but that wasn't laid out for me.
The "assumption" issue was just one example of how it could lead to conflict.
And the theme was about resolving that.

So what did I take home from this workshop?
A print out of recommended books.
I had no idea that a lecturer could get away with not offering anything but a list of books.
The speakers must not have been experienced in talking about conflict resolution since at the end I had no idea what the gist of their philosophies were.
But the books, ordered via Amazon as soon as I was home, sounded promising.

I take "Getting Past No - Negotiating in Difficult Situations" to my office since commute is an hour by train. I chose this book simply because it was the smallest and lightest.
I read on.
And then my mind wanders off to other tiny conflicts in my life such as struggling to have Alex change himself first thing in the morning.
I go back to reading, failing to remember that this book was intended for business people.

It's a dead ringer to "How to talk to kids so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk".
So in essence, regardless of age, the key is to listen to your counterpart first, then validate the other's feeling by repeating (or rephrasing) what he/she says. Then find a middle ground where it's a win-win situation.

It's an eye opener that I can treat my son and my business partner (a CEO of a company) the same way while getting positive results. Who knew life would turn out to be so easy?