250 days

So I have made lunch boxes for Alex for nearly 250days.
I have definitely gotten better with the help of gadgets and books.

Here is one.
This was in January.
Alex wanted me to make a spider web rice ball so I did.
Note the amount of veggies he eats.

Then another.

This is April.
I have started to cut corners and buy prepared food (veggie stir fry), pre-cut Nori (the birds on rice) and frozen mini burgers (with ketchup face).
Still, it looks sensible.

And then this.

This is May.
When I calculated how many more days of my life I would be committing myself to make these things.
another 2000 days at least.
I don't want my teenage son eating fries at the cafeteria, so 2000 days it is.
So the novelty totally wore off.
Everything except the strawberries and Nori are frozen now.
Did I hear someone talk about frozen strawberries?

A new puppy

I've always wanted a pet.
A cat or a dog, it didn't matter which.
But my mom was allergic to animals so no pets for me.
I thought of getting one when I got married but the it turned out I was allergic to felines and canines.
But these days I am thinking to hell with allergies.
What's the worst that could happen? Watery eyes? Itchy arms?
Alex begs for a pet all the time as well.
Guess what dear. You are allergic to cats and dogs too!
Still a puppy would be great for this household.
We already have a goldfish and I've managed to keep it alive for months.
I think I can do a puppy too.

One sunny Sunday I hear scratching behind the door.
I open and see - him.
Small with dark hair, all bright eyes, wet nose and excited heavy breathing.
He is bouncy and lively and surely would be wagging his tail 24/7 if he had one.

I give him water and decide to take him for a walk.
He runs in front of me, hiding in the bushes, smelling flowers and other stuff.
I come to a park bench, sit down and open a bag of biscuits.
I take one out and hold it in my hand wondering if he would eat one.
I decide no, but he's already next to me licking the biscuit.
Ewww, now I can't eat it!
Here, it's yours.

After a few biscuits he's off and finds someone's dog to play with.
They are rolling in the grass and having a grand time.
Some other dogs join in and it's visibly becoming dusty.

He comes back for water panting, drinking from the spout of the bottle, all dusty with grass in his hair.
I am thinking what a nightmare it will be to wash him down.
He's still energetic and goes back to the group of dogs.

They eventually disperse, with their owners pulling their dogs away and he decides to come back to me.
I walk home while he runs excitedly around me.

While I am fumbling for my keys in front of the door, he walks between my legs, rubbing his neck, head and shoulder against me.
Is he itchy or something?
Is he trying to transfer some bugs onto me?
Then he looks right at me with the cute innocent looking puppy eyes and wet nose and I decide to deal with the bugs.

We are inside and he runs to the bathroom leaving a trail of dirty footprints all over the carpet.
Now that annoys me.
Who's going to clean this mess up?

Ken showers him down and now he is all fresh and clean.
His puppy eyes and wet nose are still the same but he looks somewhat like a human being now.
"Okay, Alex. Lets clean your dirty footprints and let's wipe your nose cos' it's all sweaty".

I guess I don't need a puppy.
One human puppy is enough.

How to talk to kids so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk

After we kissed Alex goodnight, he came out to the living room and planted himself next to Ken on the sofa. Alex explained that he wanted to sleep in our bed. Ken and I kept telling him that he needed to sleep in his own bed because of A,B, and C.

Then Alex said, “No, I’ll go to my bed when mommy and daddy go to bed”

I don’t think it’s a good idea to wake you and move you to your bed.

“That’s not what I am saying”

So you are staying up until then? I don’t think that is a good idea.

“no mommy, you don’t understand”.

I do, sweetie. You want to sleep in our bed, right?

“No, I’ll go to my bed when mommy and daddy go to bed”

Well what are you going to do until then? Stay awake? You need to sleep dear. You need to grow!

Alex shouts “You don’t understand!” then ran past Ken and rushed to his room.

Ken was satisfied. “Look, he says he doesn’t want to do something, but he does. He went to his room and in his bed. He understands. He has very good comprehension”.

But as I heard Alex’s muffled cry, something told me that this wasn’t right.

So after pondering for a few minutes, I went to his room.

I sit next to Alex wondering what to say.

He talks first.

“mommy, you don’t understand what I’m saying”

I think I do. You are saying you want to stay up until mommy and daddy go to sleep.

“No”

Okay, then I think you are saying that you want to sleep in mommy and daddy bed until we go to sleep.

“No mommy, no. I’m saying I will go to sleep in my bed when mommy and daddy go to bed”

Okay, so you are going to sleep in your room when mommy and daddy go to bed, right?

“yes”

But what are you going to do until then?

“No, mommy, I am saying I will go to my own bed when you go to bed”

Yes, I understand that part. You are going to bed when I go to bed. But what are you doing until------ no, um, what is a better word --- before, that? Before mommy and daddy go to bed? We go to bed very late.

“Oh. Um… Okay, mommy and daddy work and I will read a book next to you”

So that was it. The culprit was the word “until”.

He didn’t know what it meant, so didn’t understand what I was saying.

He also didn’t have the concept of time before mommy and daddy went to sleep.

He was all worked up and fixated on the notion of going to bed only when his parents went to bed.

I explain to him that he needs to sleep so he can grow and that as grown-ups, mommy and daddy are pretty much done with growing.

“but mommy, mommy and daddy need to grow until 100”

Alex had the concept of growing and getting old mixed up as well.

I explain that when I say “grow”, I mean getting taller and stronger and smarter, while getting to be 100 means getting old.

“Oh…. Okay, I know what you are saying mommy. You’re a grown up so you only need to grow little, but I need to grow big because I’m still small”

That’s right.

“But how about 100?”

I hope we all get to be 100.

Alex is all bright eyes and smiling now.

“I want the living room to be next to my room and the bathroom next to my room to be where the living room is. And the kitchen can be next to the bathroom”

I see, so it’s like our apartment in New York, right? The living room close to your room.

“Yeah, and mommy’s room is my room and my room is mommy’s room. And Katie and Mark’s rooms are upstairs. You need to use the stairs. ”

Wow, so we have stairs in our apartment?

“Yeah, I’m mixing up the rooms and wish all the rooms were my way”

It sure is one big interesting apartment.

“Yeah, it’s big and fun. …Mommy, you can go now”

I am startled. I realize then and there that this situation is exactly like those explained in the book ”How to talk to kids so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk”. It took a good 10 minutes, but he completely recovered.

“Oh mommy, I have an idea. You can bring your computer for work to your bedroom next to my room. Daddy can stay and work in the living room”

Oh Alex, that’s a good idea. But unfortunately, I have lots of cables and things connected to the cables.

“That’s all right. You can bring all of it to your room so you can work there all the time.”

Well I will certainly consider it, okay?

“Okay, and daddy can help you”

Thanks for the advice. I love you. Good night.

“Good night”

So just like that.

I sat there, listened to my son, agreed with him, repeated what he said, and he came up with a suggestion all by himself. JUST AS THE BOOK PREDICTED. This is scary stuff.

I bought this book at the suggestion of some friends but it was left on the shelf untouched for 3 years. And then, I decided to read it simply because I ran out of things to read. The case studies all sounded too good to be

true. I was very skeptical thinking, yeah, well MY child will not react like that! But then when I unwittingly did what the book tells parents to do, simply because I was lost, a completely new situation opened up.

Now I have to remember to show my appreciation for Alex trying so hard to communicate with me, tomorrow morning.