Winter Odyessy to the Twilight Zone

Mid Feburary, mid-morning:

Mid winter break ski trip has come. Hubby always makes the arrangements and deals with the hotel but he's staying behind this time. So I check into this hotel in northern Japan only to be given a labyrinth of paperwork and directions. After signing 3 documents that I couldn't even read, I'm given 3 different types of documents just to prove I am staying in this hotel. I have to go to one place to pick up my suitcase, I need to go to another place to store my suitcase until the room is ready, and I need to go to place 3 to change clothes, and place 4 to change shoes. And there is place 5 where I can store my skis that I rent overnight, but it turns out they won't rent it overnight to me. This is way too difficult. I already miss my husband. 

Same day, an hour later:

 I put my small bags in a locker but the big bag does not fit. They've given me free coins for the locker but since I took things in and out every time after I locked, I ran out of coins. I go to the front desk and ask them to take the big bag because it said they would on the wall somewhere. Instead they show me a huge locker in an obscure area that can take any suitcase. It needs 2 coins because it's so large. I don't have any left. They lead me to a coin vending machine.
Staff:"1 coin is 100yen"
Me:"wait, I have to pay? It said you will take it so I used up the coins"
staff: I gave you 3 coins. How can you use it up?"
Me:"Because the sign said you will take the big suitcase!"
staff:"we take big bags that do not fit big locker. You should checked big locker"
Me: "How would I even know it existed if the big lockers were behind the men's dressing room!! GIVE ME COINS"

Same day, another hour later:

I rent skis for the day. The store renting out skis is part of the hotel. I have already paid the hotel in full. But "no. No charge rental fee to room on first day. Only second day and after".
Me: "That does not make sense. I've paid your hotel in advance. Like I am going to run away with your skis today? It's no different than the second day. Charge it please"
Store: "rule, policy. need to follow rule"
Me: "you did it last year"
Store: after a long pause "only this time!"
Me: "Okay, so I like to rent it for 3 days"
Store: "no, you can only rent 1 day at a time"
I am ready to scream.

Same day, 30 minutes later:

At lunch the hotel restaurant does not let me charge it to my room. What is wrong with this hotel? Is it me? Is there some sort of miscommunication here?
I glare at the cashier and ask her what hotel does not allow a guest to charge their meals to their room. Where does it say cash only? Nobody informed me! Charge it!!!
The cashier, wanting to avoid confrontation and scared at my freak out, promptly brings out a form, fills it out and asks me to write my room # and sign it. THEY CAN DO IT!

Same day, 40 minutes later:

The ski school won't let me charge the fees to my room on the first day either. This place is a cash guzzling machine. I show them my wallet, empty, and tell them with a smile "no cash. you already took it all" and show them my check-in documents. For some reason these people do not like direct eye contact so I go nuts looking into their eyes. They relent. I am becoming the queen of passive aggressiveness.

Same day, 30 minutes later:

I try to reserve a table for dinner. The front desk directs me to a "restaurant concierge" behind me.
Me: "I'd like to make a reservation for 5 at the French restaurant at 6"
Concierge: "yes, certainly".
He picks up the phone, dials the restaurant and HANDS ME THE RECEIVER.
Concierge: "please tell them your name, number of people and time and discuss whatever necessary with them"

Same day, a few minutes later:

Reservations made without any help from the "concierge", the restaurant calls back when I am in my room.
Rest: "I understand you have a meal voucher, and you are having dinner with the M family?"
Me: "yes, that's right"
Rest: "the M family does not have meal vouchers. Please ask them to look at menu and choose what they like for dinner. Please list it up and can you call us back immediately?"
I don't remember being employed by the restaurant. I tell them to call the M family themselves and hang up.
I am having a really bad day.

Same day, finally out on the slopes:

There were high school kids lining up on a 2seater chairlift. There were more than 100 kids and the lift operator was letting the kids sit one per chairlift. With the kids and other skiers, the line was getting longer by the minute. I shouted "2 kids per lift! Look at the line!" The operator just shrugged. When I skied back, the line was still there. Painfully slow. Something had to be done. I waved my fingers frantically screaming "2 kids on the lift!" It didn't work and I got on the lift defeated. But the kid who sat in front of me turned around and gave me a peace sign. 

Same day, apres-ski:

The other family and I decide to let the kids try out snow mobiles. This event is part of the hotel too. Yet we can't make reservations at the front desk. They make us schlep across the hotel, all the way to the other side of the driveway. Once we are there, we are informed we can't make reservations.
"come when you want to ride"
So we have to schlep to and fro all over again. And of course, you can NOT charge this to the room.

Same day, apres-apres-ski:

The hotel wants us to take our room bath towels to the pool. Then there will be none left for our shower so I ask them to bring 2 extra bath towels.
"That would be 200yen" the housekeeper informs me.
What? Since when do we pay extra for towels at hotels? I feel like I am in the twilight zone. And with nothing to lose, I go postal. The towels magically appeared with fees promptly waived.

Same day, after pool:

After I switch on the A/C in my room, a bug the size of a bee flies out. It's flying high near the light and I can't reach it. I call the front desk for help. It takes them 10 minutes, and by the time help arrives (with 2 towels and a spray!), I manage to swat down the bug and capture it. The hotel guy comes in my room to inspect and sprays something around. I don't like the artificial floral smell at all.
Me:"does that kill bugs or prevent them?"
hotel guy: "no, this is a deodorant"
Me:"what? why? Is it a stink bug or something?"
hotel guy: "no, no. we just think it's important"
?????????

Same day, dinner time:

The French restaurant serves us steak without asking us how we want it done. It comes literally bloody rare. One of us tells a waiter that we have not been asked and that the meat was way undercooked. The waiter says yes and disappears into the kitchen only to emerge a few seconds later, standing there nonchalantly. Nothing happens for a good 10 minutes. We are assuming we will get a new plate of beef but it's taking real long. My son wants beef so I summon another waiter and tell him what we have are way too rare. He takes the steak and brings them back well done.

Same day, after kids are asleep:

I am tired and desperately need a nice cup of coffee. So I ask the front desk. The woman points to a machine and in clear English says "free coffee service machine". I am psyched. Finally something that is not a pilfering scheme. Complimentary coffee. Now we are talking service. I go up and press a button for cappuccino. Nothing happens. I press another, this time for espresso. Nothing happens. I stand there frantically pushing any button, wondering what is wrong. A different hotel staff passes by and points to the coin slot.
Me: "how much?"
staff: "200yen"
huh, free my a**.
Me: "the woman at the front desk said it was free"
staff: "yes free to choose any drink"
He said this with a straight face.

Same day, reminiscence time:

The kids were psyched to be together so they ran around the hotel all the time. For once I let them go wild and hardly stopped them, secretly hoping the hotel would just kick us out and end my misery. Turns out Japanese parenting cherishes unruly children and there are tons of wild kids in this hotel Our kids were nothing out of the ordinary.
I used to work in non-Japanese hotel development so maybe that's why this hotel is getting on my nerves. Everything they do defies what I consider basic hotel services. They also make us fill form after form. I don't do forms, period. I now have renewed respect for my husband who puts up and deals with this cr*p.